This is the top of the band music folder cabinet. Island Trees' mascot is the Bulldog. When you squeeze this one's ear his butt does a really cool dance move. You will meet more of my dolls later. There is a toy car made in shop class by a student and a Napoleon Dynamite figure with Mr. Guido's face taped on. This doll has a button that makes it say several memorable Napoleon Dynamite quotes. "My lips hurt real bad!"
There is a pile of drum pads for lessons and a picture of me marching in the Memorial Day Parade. My hair is the shortest it had been since I was in boot camp in the Navy
There is a
bloody hockey player that used to hang on the ceiling. Somehow it escaped the fire marshal's purge. I it took off a kid in 1996. I told him to come back to get it after school. I'm still waiting for the student to retrieve it. I think he is now 38 years old
Please notice the small sign on the closed blinds that says "Please keep this blind open."
In the back, behind the drum pads is a white construction hard hat that I wore when I was a union electrician during the early 70s. I stuck an Island Trees Music Dept. sticker on the front. We kept it around for opportunities like the one pictured at right.
In order to keep our general music class fresh and relevant when studying the band The Who (and to flat out bribe them into proper deportment) I promised that at the end of the unit, if they behaved, someone would get to smash a guitar. Of course I had an old, inexpensive acoustic guitar that had a neck like a pretzel and was unplayable, ready and waiting for such an incentive.
So, to get the class to listen intentively to me lecturing eloquently, I decided to sacrifice the guitar that would otherwise be firewood. |
When the time came to choose the student who would actually smash the guitar, I pretended to consult some vague numbers on my computer screen and chose the kid in class least likely to destroy property and who "Is a pleasure to teach." *note to non teachers. I did not write the last sentence. It was #302 on the positive comment list for student report cards.
 this guitar has seconds to live ...
Because student safety is of paramount importance, I provided the selected smasher with said construction helmet and some safety goggles I kept near by for situations like this.
While I did this in jest, I was prescient.
We
went outside and the class lined up along the wall, a safe distance in case dangerous wood shards exploded from the guitar (not everyone followed instructions). The guitar was slowly raised into the smashing position ... he boldly swung it toward the ground ... it did not smash. Or break in any way.
Apparently better constructed than I thought, the body of the guitar bounced off the ground and because he was holding tight to the neck, it ricocheted back up and hit him in the goggles.
Holy shit! Fortunately, my "safety protocols" worked perfectly and he was unharmed. The guitar broke satisfactorily on the second attempt. You can't make this stuff up.
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